


it's a nice day for a white wedding

by judypoovey



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: 90s AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad Weddings, Jaime is a super model with depression and a weed habit, M/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:14:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26092441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/judypoovey/pseuds/judypoovey
Summary: "Why was Jaime Lannister in your room? Ben. Wait. Oh. Gods. Ben, did you sleep with Jaime Lannister?" she said."That was Jaime Lannister?""You didn't even get his name? Benjen! That's disgusting!"
Relationships: Benjen Stark & Lyanna Stark, Jaime Lannister/Benjen Stark
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> it's a modern AU that takes place when Ned and Company are in their twenties (Robb and Jon are toddlers and not featured) and it's the Westerosi equivalent of the early 90s. And because I didn't do the ugly jacket justice, [this is what nikolaj coster-waldau looked like at approximately the age he is in this fic](https://64.media.tumblr.com/0764a49ba17e0dbd54b159b2393b05fe/e9c0b435cb4b1486-5f/s540x810/2bbb90387cff9832c1e3cade0bbbd341949cab85.jpg) and Benjen and Lyanna probably look more like [characters from the movie Singles](https://64.media.tumblr.com/eaa75ce2676d461cc123c4db6ed70c19/e9c0b435cb4b1486-71/s540x810/6aa302735e4cd8d4ceed2a666f8488fb8df1b217.jpg) (except less straight). (Northerners are very into grunge)
> 
> anyway, this is a very silly crackship that me and my best bro ~merrymegtargaryen are somehow very fond of so if you want serious fics that feature it, you can find those too!! but for now have goofy 90s fashion and bad wedding etiquette.

"All of the guests are staying at the same hotel?" he asked Ned, a little incredulous as he looked up at the bright white hotel that dominated the landscape. Benjen had never been to a resort before, but here they were at a resort in Pentos for the next week, for a wedding. Catelyn called it a "destination wedding" which apparently was a different thing than a usual wedding. 

Frankly, Benjen didn't know why he had even been invited to the wedding of Cersei Lannister and Robert Baratheon, other than that Ned was best friends with Robert, so all of the Starks had been obligated to come even if Cersei hated them, and they were only getting married because she was pregnant, which explained why they were in a tropical paradise during midwinter instead of summer like they should be. 

But Ned had paid for his plane ticket and meals were included. He wasn't exactly rolling in money as it was. University was expensive and Ned controlled his trust fund. 

He and Lyanna looked delightfully out of place among a throng of bikini clad models and men in suits. He was wearing a black hooded sweatshirt he'd cut the sleeves off of and some shorts that had once been jeans, and Lyanna was wearing one of his plaid shirts and a pair of combat boots. Ned had decided to dress up for check in, but he wished he was in plaid too, Benjen knew. To southerners, it was cold, but it was positively temperate to them. 

"We're with the wedding," Ned told the girl at the front desk.

"We have a few weddings booked this weekend. Which --"

"Oh, of course, sorry, the Baratheon-Lannister wedding. Should be under Stark. Three rooms."

"Right, of course. Here are your room keys. Breakfast will be served at 10 AM, and the bride had itineraries sent to all guests' rooms," the receptionist said in a chirpy, fake voice. Her gaze moved from the awkwardly well dressed Ned to him, long haired and defiant, and her grin got a little more sincere.

_ Barking up the wrong tree, girl _ , he thought as Ned gave him a key and they found their way to the elevator. After so long on a plane, he was happy to just collapse where he could stretch his legs, and read over Cersei's ridiculous itinerary. It was mostly for people who were in the wedding, like Ned, but it still has everything scheduled to the minute. They had arrived two days early to get a full week of it, but she had nearly four days of events planned. 

It was  _ a lot _ for a shotgun wedding. Robert and Cersei hadn't even been dating, they just announced they were engaged abruptly a month ago and now they were getting married. Everyone knew why, but politeness dictated that they don't speak of it. 

Some certainly had thought Catelyn and Ned had gotten married because of a baby, but they had just made one really quickly. And Lyanna had Jon out of wedlock entirely, so the Starks were not in a position to judge anyone on their marital practices, least of all Benjen, who knew nothing of relationships at all, especially not ones that might produce a baby. 

Benjen napped the afternoon away, jetlagged and bored by the Off Season Tropical Paradise theme for the wedding. Winter in Pentos was not winter at home, but it still provided little to do. The tourist season was the time to come to a place like this. 

"Where have you been all day?" Ned groused when Benjen appeared in the hall.

"Asleep."

"I just had a welcome dinner. Who has a welcome dinner for their shotgun wedding?" he asked. "Where are you going?"

"Probably just to get a beer," he said. Lyanna hadn't been in her room, and he was restless. "Want to come?"

"It's our first vacation since Robb was born, I'll stay with Cat," he said, patting Benjen on the shoulder and disappearing into his room. Old man. Once he popped out a kid suddenly he couldn't go out drinking with his little brother. 

He was content to hail a cab and ask for a quiet place off the beaten path to drink at. Luckily the driver spoke Common, and was pleased with the size of his tip too. The bar he found himself in was tiny, dark, and out of the way. It was several miles from the hotel, far enough that he didn't think he'd risk running into any of Robert's extended family or the Lannister party. He didn't know much about them, he'd never met them even though Ned had, he just knew Cersei's father Tywin was a powerful media mogul and generally terrible person, and she had a couple of brothers who were, by all accounts, also terrible. 

Tourist bars always marked up prices. This place was reasonable. Clearly a place for locals. They all looked at him like he had a second head, but he was sort of used to it. He'd gone to one of Ned's board meetings in the same shorts he had on now. A bearded Westerosi with long hair and torn up shorts was probably not their usual clientele. 

They were happy to serve him what passed for a drink. Pentos didn't import northern ales, but they had wine, and it seemed stronger than the stuff he was used to at home. There were a few people in the pub, and it was sparse enough that he caught the eye of someone sitting at the end of the bar looking a few steps further along in drinking than he was. It was another Westerosi, a blond man who was the sort of handsome that one only saw on billboards. Or he would be if he weren't wearing the tackiest fur coat in existence. Benjen didn't smile, because he rarely did, but he tried to make his expression look not entirely standoffish.

It seemed to work, because the guy walked over and sat down next to him and ordered two more drinks. 

"I'm -" he said.

"I wouldn't bother," Benjen said. "I really don't care."

Up close, it was obvious that this guy was hopelessly stoned. His eyes were so red around the edges he'd either been weeping or smoking weed five minutes before he walked in. "Am I imposing?"

"No, I just don't need to know the name of every blond twink in a tacky coat who wants to proposition me."

The stranger raised an eyebrow at his bluntness. "And I thought _ I _ was arrogant. You approached by a lot of...what, blond twinks in tacky coats?" 

"More than you'd think." They were both trying to seem more arrogant than the other. At least some people said he did. "Do you have any more of whatever you've been smoking?"

He looked around, as if he thought the bartender would rat him out for admitting to smoking something. Satisfied there were no eavesdroppers present, he nodded. "I drove here if you want to…"

He finished the drink and threw down some coins, staying several steps ahead of Bad Coat until they were down the alley and around the corner. He guessed that this was a rental car, unless this guy lived in Pentos, which was possible, but he was definitely Westerosi, so it was hard to say.

"Hey kid, didn't your father ever teach you not to get in cars with strangers?" Bad Coat jested as he got inside. 

"What are you, two years older than me? I'd watch out," he said. "I might mug you, old man."

He snorted, and reached over Benjen to pull a not at all discrete looking bag out of the glovebox and open up a pack of pre-rolled joints. He lit one and passed it over. 

They were quiet for a few minutes, smoke filling the car. He must be rich, to be willing to pay the cleaning fee for this thing. "You really don't want to know my name?"

"Do you want to know mine?" Benjen asked, the seat leaned all the way back so he could stare up at the sunroof. The stars were brighter on the Wall, but they were still nice in Pentos. "It'll make things easier to forget in the morning," he added with a laugh. 

"How can you tell if someone wants to forget in the morning?" he asked, as if he were some sort of wise guru and not a 21 year old idiot who didn't know when to shut up. 

"Well, you're stoned and drunk at the same time and cruising in a Pentoshi dive bar. Most people don't really care to remember that."

Blondie sat up on his elbow. "Just hate weddings. The extended family, the social obligations. The pity."

"I know the feeling." He paused. "Are you staying nearby?"

"Sharing a room with my little brother. He kicked me out, hence…"

He chuckled. "Well, as an actual grown-up, I'm not sharing my room with anyone tonight, if you'd care to join me." 

Blondie ignored the jab. "All right."

He guided him to the hotel and maybe the stranger's face was a little surprised when they drove onto the resort grounds. "You're staying here?"

"Don't tell me you are too," he said.

The stranger shook his head. "Just next door." 

"Well that's a relief," he said with a laugh. It made sense, the receptionist had said there were several wedding parties at the resort that week. They walked in quietly but with a purpose, and when they got into Benjen's room he broke into the minifridge for two small bottles of some foul smelling rum. He threw his back and Blondie took the other down with ease. 

They considered each other, both a little awkward. Benjen sat on the bed and unlaced his shoes. He talked a good game but it had actually been several months since he'd done anything with anyone but himself, so now that they were actually alone he suddenly felt hesitant. 

Blondie slid out of his expensive shoes and his tacky coat and crossed the room with the sort of confidence reserved for the stoned, sitting down and grabbing Benjen by the jaw and bringing him in for a kiss. They both tasted like bad liquor, but neither minded. Pulling in close, they made quick work of shirts and pants, and Benjen shoved him back into the mattress and climbed on top of him. 

"You know, I've never actually done this before," he confessed in Benjen's ear as he leaned in to kiss his neck. He assumed he just meant anonymously hooking up in a foreign city during a tacky wedding, and they continued with some enthusiasm into the early hours of the morning. 

  
  


Benjen was a little startled to wake up next to a body. He jolted awake by the sudden movement of his partner, who jumped off the bed and started gathering his clothes. 

"I've got to go," he said, not particularly apologetic. 

Looking at the clock, he knew that Ned would be awake sooner than later, and he didn't really want to get caught with a stranger in the hotel room his brother was paying for. "Yeah, you do," he said.

Slinging the coat over his shoulder, he paused and looked at Benjen. "Don't make it sound like you didn't have a good time," he said, a little pouty. 

Sliding out of bed and putting them on, he crossed the room and leaned in to him. "I had fun," he said, kissing him one more time as he opened the door to the room, shoving him out in the hall. "I'm sure your family would miss you at breakfast, though," he said. 

The stranger nodded and set off down the hall, and Benjen heard a shriek of laughter. 

_ Oh fuck. _ He peered out into the hall and saw his beloved sister doubled over, wheezing with laughter. He dragged her into his room. "What the fuck, Lya? You'll wake up the whole floor."

"Why was Jaime Lannister in your room? Ben. Wait. Oh. Gods. Ben. Ben, did you sleep with Jaime Lannister?" she said.

"That was  _ Jaime Lannister _ ?" 

"You didn't even get his name? Benjen! That's disgusting!" 

Benjen rubbed his temples, retreating back to his bed and hiding under the blankets. "I'm just gonna lay here until I die, go away, Lyanna." 


	2. Chapter 2

It was bad enough that Lyanna kept giggling at him, as though he had intentionally slept with a  _ Lannister _ . He had a day to himself to sulk, but that was short lived, because the next day he had to get lunch with Catelyn's terrible sister, who had somehow secured a date to this wedding despite not being invited. She was being apparently very coy about who her date was. He pitied the lad, considering she'd tried to get him to bring her, too. Whoever she'd gotten her claws into wasn't liable to have a lot of fun. 

"I've had to beg her not to wear white three times already," Catelyn said, looking absolutely exhausted. "She insists it's tasteful, but. Cersei will literally murder her."

Benjen and Ned exchanged helpless looks, neither of them understanding what they should say in this situation. 

"It's bad to look more beautiful than the bride," Catelyn said. Then she paused, as if considering who she was speaking of. "Or try to draw attention to yourself more than the bride."

"I somehow doubt Lysa is gonna grab more attention than a literal supermodel, Cat," Lyanna said graciously. 

"Doesn't mean she won't try," Ned muttered as they made their way off the elevator and to the restaurant attached to the hotel. They had beaten Lysa and her mystery date to the table. 

The bread and waters were on the table by the time Lysa arrived. She walked in first, waving to her sister as her date trailed behind her. 

Benjen's heart stopped and Lyanna slapped a hand to her mouth as she choked on a piece of wet bread when Jaime Lannister turned the corner, much better dressed than he'd been two nights ago, though probably still a little stoned if the glassy look in his eyes was anything to go by.

Jaime froze halfway through the motion of pulling Lysa's chair out when their eyes finally met. He shook it off, smirked, and sat down next to Lysa. 

"This is my date," Lysa giggled. "I'm sure you've met Cersei's twin brother Jaime," she added. 

Ned hated very few people in life more than he hated Jaime Lannister. They'd even gotten into a fight once, though Benjen didn't have a clue what about. His bread was thoroughly crushed in a clenched fist. "Lannister."

"Stark. And Lyanna as well." He gave a polite nod to Lyanna, who was still restraining laughter. "And you are --?" he asked Benjen like he hadn't had his tongue halfway down Benjen's throat two nights ago. 

"This is my little brother, Ben," Ned said stiffly. 

" _ Benjen _ ." He didn't want Jaime Lannister to get the idea that they were gonna be on nickname basis.

"How did you two meet?" Catelyn asked, stiffly polite, with a calming hand over Ned's. 

"He came into the office looking. We got to chatting and I invited him to lunch and it just went from there!" Lysa had pulled a grift to get a date to an exclusive high society wedding was what happened. She draped herself across Jaime's shoulders and kissed his cheek. 

"How...nice."

The waiter blessedly interrupted the awkward silence as Lysa sucked on an earlobe, though Benjen noticed she was looking in the direction of the restaurant bar. Who the fuck knew what that was about? 

Lyanna was hiding her face behind her menu, making a big fuss over what to order, mostly just to regain her tragically lost composure. Ned was casting a side-eye at them, but he likely thought the matchup of Lysa Tully and supermodel rich boy Jaime Lannister was hilarious too, so they had a cover. 

Ned stepped on Benjen's foot and he straightened up. 

"So, Benjen, was it?" Jaime asked. 

"Yes, Jimmy?" Ned and Lyanna chuckled and Catelyn looked like she might be praying under her breath. 

"Jaime." 

"Right."

"What do you do?" 

"I'm a park ranger, in the north." No need to mention he hadn't actually graduated from the program yet, it was much easier to explain it this way, and made him sound much more impressive. Though he wasn't entirely positive why his instinct was to impress someone he'd already slept with and didn't care to ever speak to again.

His lips curled. "So you spend all your time beyond the wall building snowmen?"

"Something like that." There was a pause, and Lysa started talking to Catelyn about their brother's new girlfriend, or whatever Edmure was up to these days. "I'll be right back," he told Ned, crossing the restaurant to go to the bathroom and take a moment to catch his breath. 

It wasn't the first time he'd been in an awkward situation with someone he'd slept with. He had once slept with a wildling in Alliser Thorne's bed. He'd never live  _ that  _ one down. Sleeping with his good sister's wedding date was something that Catelyn would call tacky, maybe, but they didn't discuss his preferences in open terms, so he was likely to get away from it eventually. 

Washing his hands, he didn't look up when the bathroom door opened. 

"I didn't realize you were a Stark," Jaime said, in a haughty voice he certainly hadn't earned. 

"And I didn't realize you were a Lannister," he said. "I never would have --" 

Jaime rolled his eyes. "Sure you wouldn't have." 

"Unlike someone, I have standards," he said, wincing when he realized he'd just insulted himself more than he'd insulted Jaime. "I didn't realize you were dating my good sister," he accused. "Obviously."

"I'm not  _ dating _ Lysa, this is the most I've ever spoken to the woman. I just needed a date to the wedding and she was, if you hadn't noticed, incredibly desperate for an invitation." Jaime grimaced. "Cersei wouldn't let me not have a date, even if I ended up with a date she hated." 

"God, straight people are a nightmare," Benjen said, mostly to himself. 

Jaime looked ready to protest, then a moment of realization washed over him.

"Did you only just realize you're not straight?" There was a guilty look on his face as Benjen tried to wrap his head around how he'd gotten seduced by the dumbest man alive. 

Benjen realized they'd been gone far too long, and he walked back to his table and focused on his sandwich, which thankfully hadn't gone cold. 

"That took a while." 

"I think Lannister has food poisoning," he said with mock concern. Lysa made a disgusted face, and scooted her chair over slightly when Lannister reappeared and took a seat. He seemed confused until he caught Benjen's smirk. 

"The bathroom attendant was chatty," he lied. 

"Oh, Benjen said your stomach was hurting," Lyanna said with a snicker. 

"He must have been talking about himself," he said, turning to his salmon salad and falling silent as Lysa scooted back in, content with his explanation, not fully realizing food poisoning wasn't contagious anyway. 

"Did you fuck him again in the bathroom?" Lyanna asked, bursting into his room before dinner that night. 

"Ew, no," he said. "Close the door before you announce that shit, Ned still thinks I'm going to bring home a nice girl someday," he told her as she kicked the door closed and sat down on the desk in the corner of the room. 

"He won't be mad if you tell him."

"I just don't like people being in my personal business," he said gruffly. "Even Ned." Lyanna only knew because she had figured it out, being the only other gay person in the family, as far as they both knew. "He'll disown me for fucking a Lannister before he disowns me for being, _you know_." 

She snorted, because it was true. "I can't believe you didn't recognize him. He's literally famous."

"Gods, I can't believe I slept with Lysa's sloppy seconds." 

"You think they actually did it?" she asked. "Lysa kept leering at Petyr Baelish across the restaurant, I think she was just trying to get his attention. You missed that during your bathroom chitchat." 

Benjen looked up. "Baelish? Really? That's what she goes for?" For his money, Jaime was at least  _ hot _ , even if he was intolerable. But hey, he guessed everyone had their preferences. 

Lyanna laughed. "Yeah. Oh well. I'm sure it was fun while it lasted. I mean, I assume it was fun." 

"Oh yeah, definitely, I mean he's got a --" 

"You do not need to tell me!" she said, throwing a pillow towards him. 

He laughed. "Well maybe that'll teach you to stop being so nosy," he said. She was his big sister, though, and she'd always be nosy. He didn't always mind it, but his sex life was where he drew a hard line. 

"We're going to survive this wedding," she told him, and he wasn't so sure, because he'd slept with the brother of the bride and obviously he'd keep having to look at his stupid face for the next four days until he finally got to go back north where things made sense. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peter Dinklage was the front man of a punk/funk/rap band in the 90s. photographs exist. i had to change a little bit so tyrion is in a ska band instead. enjoy it. the 90s are a great time period for modern AUs

Benjen wasn't involved in any of the pre-wedding rituals, which meant he spent the next two days walking along the beach and avoiding the hotel, just in case he found himself face to face with a blond shit he didn't want to see. But the day of the wedding dawned bright and clear, and he found himself begrudgingly brushing his hair and putting on the suit that Ned had lent him.

"You look nice," Catelyn told him, herself looking beautiful in a short blue dress, her hair braided and hanging down her shoulder. She helped tie his tie correctly and then Lyanna came out of her own room, struggling with her tie too. 

"You Starks are hopeless," she said fondly.

Lyanna's suit was obviously tailored to fit a woman, and she had intentions to make it clear to Cersei that she wasn't interested in men, considering she'd dated Robert for like two weeks five years ago. She didn't want the blushing bride to think she'd come to steal the groom, when she was much more content to charm the bridesmaids. 

The wedding was spectacular. They had rented a whole mansion just outside of the resort where most of them were staying. Live peacocks strutted around, and beautiful people in elaborate gowns all filed into the main hall of the huge, ornate mansion. Someone in a white jacket ushered them to the "groom's side". Ned was Robert's best man, standing up beside Robert's two brothers and, much to his surprise, Jaime Lannister. 

He guessed Cersei didn't want to be unconventional and have him on the bride's side. On her side were a gaggle of generic women who probably didn't have any sort of actual relationship to the bride, considering her reputation. They looked pretty, though, and given how the photographer was hurrying around in a flurry, that's what was important. 

It was a dreary ceremony, populated by uncomfortable people who didn't want to be there. Everyone seemed to be in agreement that it was a sham, but a sham they were happy to exploit for the sake of free food and alcohol. To their credit, they at least made it quick. They were corralled out onto a huge back garden, overlooking the harbor, a buffet of light appetizers laid out for them while they waited for the wedding party to arrive. Benjen and Lyanna's assigned table was far to the back of the arrangement, separated from Catelyn and Lysa, who were both sitting closer to the front.

"Enjoying the nosebleeds?" a short man asked, stealing a cup of wine from someone else's spot on the table. "This is how Cersei expresses her contempt. She didn't want to invite any of Robert's friends."

"I didn't know you were even invited, Tyrion," Lyanna said, leaning over to hug the man. "This is Cersei's younger brother Tyrion, Ben. This is my younger brother Benjen," she said. 

"Nice to meet you," Tyrion said, though like all Lannisters, he was seemingly incapable of sounding sincere. "I do hope you'll stay a good while. I have a plan to make this much more fun."

Benjen tilted his head. "Oh really?" 

"Really," he said, and he winked. "My family is convinced that I'll ruin everything I attend, and while typically I enjoy proving them wrong...but tonight, I feel like I need to make sure Cersei has the most memorable wedding possible." 

The wedding party came back into the reception area before Tyrion could say more, and everyone politely applauded the reappearance of the bride, trailed by a squad of photographers. Jaime was next to her, and he turned to the crowd.

Benjen tried not to stare, but their eyes met and he turned back to his wine quickly. Tyrion narrowed his eyes. 

"If they walk any closer together it's going to look like they're the ones who got married," Lyanna interjected, saving Benjen from immediate suspicion. 

Tyrion snorted into his wine cup. "They do have issues," he agreed. He looked over to where Jaime was finding his seat next to Lysa, who wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him enthusiastically. He politely extracted himself, but she kept clinging to him. Ned, Stannis and the other groomsmen shared his table, looking scathing at the PDA. "I have no idea why he agreed to bring her." 

Benjen said nothing, and Lyanna was clearly trying to formulate an escape from this conversation. 

"She's just trying to make Littlefinger notice her," Lyanna said. "She all but said so at lunch yesterday." 

"Oh, I'm sure my brother will be heartbroken," he scoffed as Jaime looked over at his little brother and seemed to be signaling for help with his eyes. "I should go rescue him. Nice to meet you, Ben was it?" 

"Benjen." 

"You Starks are all so formal all the time," he said. "Lyanna, catch you later." 

She smiled and waved goodbye as he wandered off to his brother's table as the buffet line finally opened, offering everyone a distraction. 

Benjen was not made for weddings, or social events, but he was better at them than his brother, who looked like a wolf in a trap for the entire night, even as Catelyn cajoled him into socializing with people other than Jon Arryn and Yohn Royce. 

As dinner concluded Robert was getting drunker and drunker, and Cersei angrier and angrier, trying to pass off bubbly ginger ale as champagne so no one would notice she was sober. The only moment of any sincere emotion was when Cersei danced with her father, who seemed as miserable about socializing as the Starks, but didn't seem to mind the dancing. As the band struck up more energetic tunes, dancing became widespread. 

Lyanna held out a hand and he waved her off. He nursed an ale and watched her dance -- first with Ned and Catelyn, and then she seemed to get sucked into the orbit of a particularly flirtatious looking bridesmaid. 

The atmosphere had grown a lot less oppressively miserable as the night continued. 

"How do you like the shame table?" Ned asked him as he walked up, a little ruffled. 

The other guests of shame seemed offended at the implication, but Benjen laughed. "It's the best seat in the house, big brother. Get to watch all of the drama play out. Like how one of the caterers is 8 months pregnant and insistently avoiding Robert."

Ned sighed. 

"And Lysa and Petyr Baelish sneaked off like ten minutes ago, so I assume they'll be back any second." 

Right on cue, a shriek echoed from the mansion, and an aggrieved looking waiter ran out, with a distinctly ruffled looking Lysa leading Petyr Baelish by the hand. They tried to get back to the wedding, but a large security guard blocked their path, grabbing them both and removing them from the premise after a searing glare from Cersei.

"A shame it was so quick," Ned said.

"Look at you, making jokes in public. Don't worry, no one else heard you." 

Ned rolled his eyes. "You're very funny." He was about to say something else when Catelyn came up, a little flushed from too much to drink, kissing him on the cheek. "I hope your sister gets home safely," he said. 

Catelyn rolled her eyes. "She was trying to make Petyr jealous with Jaime and I feel like he was trying to make me jealous with Lysa!" 

"Weddings bring out the worst in people," Benjen said, having been a participant in a particularly sloppy one-night stand with the bride's brother. 

The band left their little stage to take a break as it got later and people got rowdier. Cersei hadn't socialized much outside of her wedding party, she'd barely even talked to Robert, who was walking around with his younger brother Renly on one of his shoulders. She sat with a plate of cake in one hand, Jaime sitting beside her talking to her quietly. 

Cersei got up and left the dais where she'd been sitting, with one of her maids following her out. While she was gone, the band came back out onto stage and began setting up a couple of extra things. Initially they had just been a four-piece playing generic, jazzy tunes that were an appropriate dancing speed. Benjen knew something was going on when amplifiers were being set up. 

And then Tyrion Lannister got on stage with a microphone and a trumpet. 

Benjen immediately looked and Jaime was hiding his laughter in his fist as they started up a rowdy song. It took Benjen only a moment to realize -- of course Tyrion Lannister was in a ska band. 

Cersei came out of the bathroom part of the way through a ska rendition of "The Rains of Castamere", which was as terrible and yet impossible to turn away from as some kind of slow moving trainwreck, but with a horn section. 

She was apoplectic with rage, swatting her brother on the arm for laughing, and immediately shouting for her father and security. 

"Oh, the blushing bride. My sweet sister, everyone," he said as the song wrapped up. "I love you very much and I hope your wedded life is blissful." It was almost sweet, or it would be if he didn't immediately go into a trumpet solo, building up to a rendition of "White Wedding" that truly pained the ears. 

But the wedding guests seemed to be having fun, and Tywin was in Cersei's ear attempting to calm her down as they watched everyone dance and make merry. Jaime had gotten ahold of himself, somehow, but when he met Benjen's eye across the room he started laughing again. 

As guests began to filter out, the night ending and security finally escorting Tyrion and his bandmates out, Benjen looked around and couldn't find his brother and good sister anywhere in the crowd. They had wandered off to dance a bit ago and never returned. 

"Hey, Stannis," he said, catching the only sober adult still at the wedding as he looked around the grounds of the mansion. "Have you seen Ned?" 

"I think he and Catelyn left about half an hour ago," he said. He had a sleeping Renly over his shoulder like he was carrying a bale of hay. "I'm staying here on the grounds but if you need a ride I could call you a cab," he said. 

Benjen cursed under his breath. "No, it's just a couple of blocks, I'll walk." 

Stannis nodded, adjusting the sleeping 7 year old on his shoulder and walking off. Benjen walked out into the night alone. He hadn't seen Lyanna in hours, but considering he'd seen her go into the bathroom with one of the bridesmaids, he didn't expect any company on his walk home. 

Instead of taking the shortest way home, he took the road that wound along the shoreline. A car slowed down behind him and he nearly said something, until the window rolled down and Jaime Lannister looked at him. "Need a ride?" 

"Not from you," he said, waving him off. 

Jaime rolled his eyes. "You were the one who didn't let me introduce myself."

"And you're the one pretending you didn't know I was a Stark the whole time," he said in an accusatory tone. "I'm not stupid, we all look identical and you've met my brothers." 

Jaime pulled over and parked, taking a second to shove some coins into a meter. "I only suspected," he confessed, his hands up in surrender. "And look, bad familial blood aside, I had a good time." 

"And then you nailed my good-sister," he said, crossing his arms. 

"I already told you that Lysa was a date of convenience, we didn't do anything, and why do you care? You were perfectly happy to sleep with a stranger."

He walked out onto the sand, assuming that Lannister wouldn't be interested in getting his expensive shoes dirty. He walked towards the dock that overlooked the Pentoshi bay. Lannister followed. "I don't care. I just don't like you." 

"I don't like you either," he said. 

"Then why are you following me?" 

He didn't have an answer for that. "I don't  _ hate  _ you," he said. "I mean you're arrogant and ice cold --" 

"Well judging by how close you are with your sister, that's clearly your type," he said before he could stop himself, sitting down on a bench by the dock and pulling out a cigarette. 

He actually laughed, and sat down next to Benjen. "I've been in crisis ever since my sister got engaged," he confessed as he pulled out his own cigarette. 

"I think my sister stole my matches," Benjen said. 

Jaime leaned over and lit his cigarette for him before he lit his, and Benjen found himself less irritated by his presence almost immediately. "My father keeps inviting women over that he hopes I'll like."

"So you rebelled by cruising for strangers in a foreign country."

"I just wanted to do something enjoyable because I knew I'd be miserable all week," he said. 

"What, you don't love weddings?"

"Does anyone?" They both chuckled faintly. "Look, Tyrion took two women back to our room and my date obviously fell through." He looked over, and in the moonlight he looked a little softer and less intolerably pretty. The salty wind had messed up his hair.

"Are you seriously trying to fuck me so you have a room tonight?" he asked, almost impressed by the brazenness of that proposition. 

"I mean, I can't crash with Cersei and Robert…" 

"Why? They're definitely not doing anything tonight. Or probably ever." 

"I'll give them a solid year before the divorce," Jaime said agreeably. "Look, I could get my own room. I can afford it."

Benjen couldn't believe he was giving into the temptation, but in the haze of cigarette smoke, still a little drunk from the worst wedding of the decade, and considering that he was going to go back north in two days...what was the risk? He never had to talk to this person again, right? 

"Fine. Let's go."

"You should come to King's Landing some time," Jaime said, half-asleep. 

Benjen laughed. "Starks don't do well this far south." 

"Just for a visit."

"You like me that much?" 

"No, you're an asshole," Jaime said, before he fell asleep, as if he weren't the biggest asshole in the room. Probably in the entire hotel. But Benjen thought about it as he tried to fall asleep too. Maybe having someone to visit would make it better. 

  
  


The next morning, Benjen looked down the hallway before he waved Jaime out of the room, but as soon as he walked through the threshold, Lyanna's door opened, and a busty redhead with smudged lipstick stumbled out, Lyanna sticking her head out and meeting Benjen's gaze.

"Don't say a word," she said before she slammed her door shut. 

Ned came down the hall holding a tray of coffee cups, looking more hungover than Benjen had ever seen him. He looked behind him, perplexed. "What was Jaime Lannister doing on our floor?" he asked. 

Benjen took the coffee and shrugged. 


End file.
